NeS2 Post 1781
NeS2 Post 1781 partly continues the story of Britt: The Legend as Britt watches the funeral of his friend Cathia Imperator and then departs from Armenia. When he reaches the city of Antioch, he meets with a woman running away from the king of the Seleucid Empire - her husband and younger brother. Ptolemy, as she is named, takes Britt to a frog pond and they dive in where a Plot-Hole draws them to her own queendom - Jupiter. When there he is encouraged to strip down to his underwear as that is the common fashion for the Jupiterians. In the present Antestarr finds himself speaking with the ghost of Britt as he lies dying on a sacrificial altar beneath the Sahara Desert. He agrees to let Britt save his life and Britt takes control of Antestarr's body just before Suzy X tries to kill him again. When she realises he is actually Britt she is astounded and leads him down to where she shows him the cloning station invented by the ancient Druids of Doughnutdelf so that the Seer of X is always a clone of the original Aetas X. She encourages Britt to take one of the bodies for himself but he doesn't like the idea of becoming a woman. Post Britt the Legend: Chapter Twelve Britt the Legend - Chapter Twelve The crowds of Armenians cheered as the new ruler of the kingdom was announced. Britt the Bard, as he was now known, clapped though his heart was not in it. The crowning of the new king lit the final candle for Cathia Imperator, Britt's long-standing friend and former Queen of Armenia. Her son had risen up to become the new ruler of the land and Britt was left alone. Septimus Prime and Dave had died long before Cathia Imperator, the old Queen apparently clinging to life like a drowning woman to a raft. Britt half wondered if some of his own immortal powers had somehow rubbed off on her when she reached her hundred-and-second birthday. But now her eldest son, who was already pretty old, was king. Britt sighed and departed the square, leaving the jubilant crowds to cheer on their new leader. Britt pushed his way down the hot streets, baking in the bright sun, until he found his horse. Strapped to the horse were his bags and his lyre - all he needed for his journey. Since his Awakening Britt had travelled across Armenia, usually with Cathia Imperator herself, speaking to the people and learning what each town has to offer. He visited the local countries of AtropeteneAtropatene article, Wikipedia. '' (Azerbaijan), GreeceAncient Greece article, Wikipedia. and MacedoniaMacedonia (ancient kingdom) article, Wikipedia.. Even into her nineties, Cathia was ready to travel with Britt across the land but now his journeys would be alone.'' He pulled himself up onto his horse and urged it to trot down the street, avoiding merchants and gatherings of excited people. When he reached the last house, well beyond the edge of the city, he stopped and waited for Secondus to emerge from the quaint hut. Secondus Prime: "Are you sure about this?" Britt: "I am. It's yours. Just remember, I'll want when... well, when you're finished with it." Secondus Prime: "It's weird to think you're going to out-live me, Britt." Britt: "Weird, but unfortunately true. The house is yours, like I said. But don't... you know... put any holes in the walls or anything crazy like that..." Secondus Prime: "Don't worry, I'll look after it. Me and my... friend... appreciate you letting us have this place." Britt: "It's quiet and out of the way. Any man can be what he wants to be out here. Enjoy your life, Secondus. I'm sure I'll see you again one day!" Secondus Prime: "When I'm old and grey, perhaps?" Britt: "Probably." With that Britt the Bard continued on. He rode. And he rode. Beyond the border of Armenia and into the lands of the Seleucid EmpireSeleucid Empire article, Wikipedia., along with the encroaching Armenian armies. The last act of Cathia Imperator was to issue orders for the conquest of Seleucid lands, aiming to take advantage of the Seleucid Empire's weakness and dying years - perhaps seeing a reflection of herself in that ancient kingdom. Years passed as Britt trekked across the empire. He avoided all contested lands between the kingdoms of the Seleucid, Armenians and the Romans, whose empire had grown considerably. Britt learnt to sleep on horseback, taking naps here and there without falling flat on his face - a trick not easily learnt and with many a broken nose. One fine day -- I love that expression -- Britt was riding slowly through the fields around the city of Antioch when he saw something running straight towards him. Britt: "Uh..." A horde of soldiers. Britt: "Crapcakes! MUSH! GO! GO! MOVE!!" The horse, as though it understand his jibberish, turned and bolted - unfortunately spilling its rider flat on his arse. Britt: "Ouch..." He groaned, rolled over and once again saw the small dispatch headed towards him. At their head appeared to be a woman. Initially he thought she was leading them, but longer inspection revealed she was running away from them. Britt planted his face into the grass with resignation. Adventure seemed to be his entire life, no matter how he tried to avoid it. He dragged himself to his feet and waited for them to get closer. The girl apparently spotted Britt and made changed her heading to match his. Either she knew who he was, or she was completely stupid - like an average bloke standing in a field could save her from a motley rabble of soldiers wielding pikes. Fortunately for her, he wasn't an average bloke. His arms slowly whirled in motions that resembled Tai ChiTai Chi article, Wikipedia., taught to him long ago by the Jade Emperor, and a milky brown liquid appeared in the air around him. He manipulated the hot liquid and held his arms into the sky, sending the tea up into the air. He then, quickly and dramatically, yanked his arms down which, in turn, pulled down the cloud of tea straight down onto the soldiers, bowling them over like skittles. They lay, motionless, in the field covered in hot tea. The girl reached he and breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath. She leant on him with one arm. Girl: "By my Aunt Agatha, I'm frickin' knackered." Britt: "Uh... you're welcome?" She glanced back at the soldiers. Girl: "Did you just kill them with tea!?" Britt: "Don't be absurd." Girl: "Strange, could have sworn it smelt like tea." Britt: "It was HorlicksHorlicks article, Wikipedia. tea. They're just sleeping." Girl: "Oh... right..." Britt: "Okay. Well... it was nice meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your life." He turned to leave but she grabbed his arm. Girl: "Wait, wait, wait! You can't just leave!" Britt: "Actually, I rather think I can..." Girl: "I mean to say, you have to take me with you!" Britt: "Um... I don't think I have to do that... I'm not really looking for a travelling companion right now." Girl: "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!?" Britt: "Well--" Girl: "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!?" Britt: "Look I--" Girl: "PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" Britt: "OKAY OKAY! Good gravy." Girl: "Thank you! You just saved my life!" Britt: "From that lot?" Girl: "Them and my jealous husband!" Britt: "What's his problem?" Girl: "He think I've been looking at other men." Britt: "Looking at them?" Girl: "That's right. Specifically my older brother." Britt winced. Britt: "He thinks you were looking at your older brother?" Girl: "Yes!" Britt: "When we say looking, we mean... looking, right?" Girl: "Yes. Like sexy-time looking." Britt shook his head. Britt: "The guy's obviously crazy." Girl: "Well... not completely crazy. I was looking a bit." Britt: "...What?" Girl: "I always fancied my older brother! But he was already married to my older sister." Britt: "... ... What?" Girl: "So my parents made me marry my younger brother. And he's such a brat and he's just so... annoying." Britt: "... ... ... What?" Girl: "Oh! I'm Ptolemy by the way!" Britt: "Isn't that a man's name?" Ptolemy: "What man?" Britt: "I mean any man!" Ptolemy: "How should I know!? I don't know every man!" Britt: "No, no, I mean like... it's a boy's name!" Ptolemy: "I thought you said it was a man's name?" Britt facepalmed. Britt: "And people say I'm dumb." Ptolemy: "They do!? What a coincidence!!" Britt sighed. Britt: "I guess you're from a long line of brother-sister relations?" Ptolemy: "Of course! My blood is as pure as blood can be!" Britt: "Not that blood purity makes any sense to begin with... but it does explain how you can be stupider even than me... stupider... more stupid... stupidier..." Ptolemy: "Stupidest!" Britt: "More Stupider..." Ptolemy: "Most stupidest!" Britt: "Stupider than... stupid..." Ptolemy: "What are we talking about again?" Britt: "I forget..." There was a groan from one of the sleeping soldiers. Britt: "We best skedaddle." Ptolemy: "Wait, wait, there's something important you should know about me!" Britt: "You're a man?" Ptolemy: "Wha-What? No! I've got lady bits!" Britt: "Oh good. It's just I've heard the old 'something important you should know' line before..." Ptolemy: "I don't know what you mean, but fine. I am a Princess!" Britt: "I guessed." Ptolemy: "You did!? How!?" Britt: "No one but a royal family would think being in-bred meant purity..." Ptolemy: "...'being in-bed means purity'? I can tell you, me and my husband have done many impure things in-bed!" Britt: "Not in-bed... nevermind. I'm guessing you're the Princess of the Seleucid Empire? My condolences." Ptolemy: "Well yes, the Seleucid Empire is one of the empire's I am Princess to." Britt: "There's two?" Ptolemy: "Yes! But the second is far more important!" Britt: "Don't tell me it's a frog-pond or something..." Ptolemy: "H-H-How did you know!? It's my secret!!" Britt: "... lucky guess." Ptolemy: "You have a lot of these lucky guesses... But anyway, I need you to take me to my kingdom!" Britt: "The frog pond?" Ptolemy: "Well yes. My subjects will be wondering why I haven't returned yet." Britt: "You mean the frogs?" Ptolemy: "Frogs? What frogs?" Britt: "Your subjects. The frogs..." Ptolemy: "It's very rude to call people frogs! Besides, there are no frogs on Jupiter!" ---------- Under the desert of the Sahara... [[Antestarr|'Antestarr']]:''' "How are you alive?" '''Britt: "I'm really not. I'm haunting your sorry arse." Antestarr: "Because I killed you?" Britt: "Because you ate me! I mean, Christ! You drank my blood, man! You're obviously a closet gay. No wonder you ditched that Japanese girl." Antestarr: "If I could... snap your neck... I would..." Britt: "If you weren't dying, I'm still incorporeal. If I weren't incorporeal, you'd still be dying. Oh wells! Sucks to be you right now! Guess you'll just have to listen to me prattle on!" Antestarr: "Please... kill me... quickly..." Britt: "You know why you're still alive?" Antestarr: "No." Britt: "Me." Antestarr: "And you're going to... get your revenge by... talking me to death? Slowly!?" Britt: "Don't tempt me." Antestarr: "Then why? How?" Britt: "You drank my blood, so you drank my incredibly rare and unique gift. Tea." Antestarr: "I drank... tea?" Britt: "That's right. You thought you were drinking my blood-ink, but really you were mostly getting high on my blood-tea. Uh... tea-blood." Antestarr: "But--" Britt: "I'm not saying you got none, dude. But you mostly got tea. Crazy, right!? Haha!" Antestarr: "@*&££%!" Britt: "Now, now!" Britt's Ghost hops up onto the slab and sits 'through' Antestarr's legs. Britt: "So! Would you like to live?" Antestarr: "No." Britt: "Funny, I said that when I was dying too. First time." Antestarr: "I... don't want your... life story..." Britt: "Maybe not! But someone else has taken an interest in it. Your old master!" Thoughts of Antestarr's old master, Arkng Thand, flash through Antestarr's mind. He remembers his days as a NeScholar, the life he led then. How much simpler and more fulfilled it once seemed. Britt: "That's right. Think about how far you've strayed from your path, mate. Once you were all about knowledge and understanding. Now? You go round trying murder people and-- well actually you do murder people, no trying about it! And for what? You can't say food, because you went out of your way to get to me!" Antestarr: "..." Britt: "I'm here to offer you the path of redemption." Antestarr: "...how?" Britt: "Live, Antestarr. Live and you can't redeem yourself. You have me within you. And no, before you ask, you don't have my tea-powers. They're way too cool for you! But I'm still there. My... spirit. Or whatever I am. You just need to accept me and with my other super-secret-contract-given power, I'll bring you back to life." Antestarr: "..." Britt: "You still have Young and Chance to take care of. How long before the Phantom comes back for them? Do you really think Chance is safe with TLTE? You can rekindle your love interest with Subaru, fix your friendship with Gebohq, become a NeS Hero once again. Or even a NeScholar. Go back to your roots. Whatever you want your path to be, you can start again. Reborn!" Antestarr: "I... accept." Britt: "Jolly good! Now, hold still. This is going to hurt like buggery." Antestarr screams. Physically his body is having a seizure, attracting the attention of Suzy X. Suzy X: "Still alive!? No wonder the sacrifice didn't do anything!" She whips out a knife and walks towards Antestarr's shaking body with deadly purpose. Suzy X: "Rest in Peace. Fiend." Antestarr: "WAIT!" His hand snaps out and grabs Suzy X's knife-hand. Antestarr: "Jesus Bloody Christ, last thing I want is to be killed again!" Suzy X: "Again? Your accent... has changed..." Antestarr sits up with some discomfort. He supports his back with his free hand. He looks up at Suzy X and blinks. Antestarr: "Wow! You look just like Aetas X! Incredible!" Suzy X gasps and drops the knife. Suzy X: "How--!? How do you know that name!?" Antestarr grins and releases the woman's hand. He feels his vampiric powers surging and pulsing within him like a caged animal screaming to get out. However the powers weren't the only thing being caged within his body... Antestarr: "I almost married her! Way back when I first woke up from BrittSleep..." Suzy X stares at Antestarr with awe. ---------- Britt the Legend - Chapter Twelve Continued... Britt stared at the oasis. He and Ptolemy were standing in the middle of a desert in, what is now, SyriaSyria article, Wikipedia.. Britt planted his hands on his hips. Britt: "Amazing. You must be very proud. Are you going to bathe with your froggy friends?" Ptolemy: "Well, yes we have to get in there." Britt: "I am not going to dive into some tadpole-infested pond." Ptolemy: "You're not a very good Hero, are you?" Britt: "You know, I never actually claimed to be one." Ptolemy grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the oasis. Britt: "You need to learn that 'no' means 'no', Ptolemy." Ptolemy: "At the bottom of this oasis is the gateway to Jupiter and my empire!" Britt: "You know, I'm really beginning to think you're trolling me. The whole incest thing and now this?" Ptolemy looked directly at Britt the Bard and stared into his eyes. Ptolemy: "Please, just trust me on this." Britt rolled his eyes and checked that his lyre was securely fastened to his back. He had sold his horse and supplies in the last town, convinced by Ptolemy that they wouldn't need it. He felt like he was being pulled and drawn down a story that wouldn't end well. For him at least. Holding hands they jumped into the oasis. The rush of cool water shocked Britt's system as the heat of the desert washed away. He and Ptolemy slowly allowed themselves to sink until he felt something unusual tugging at his foot. He glanced down to see some strange swirling mass. He suddenly began to kick and struggle against it, but the draw was too strong and he was being sucked into the Plot-Hole. Britt: "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo-- ACK!! I'M ALIVE!!!" He leapt to his feet and fist-pumped the air. The sensation of such as sudden transition was unusual. One moment he was drowning and the next he was lying on a marble surface. He looked up at the arched roof above him, which extended upwards and away from him until it met its eaves where it was supported by columns of dark purple marble. In fact, most of the materials he saw were purple and the marble was the most common material amongst them. Inside cages were strange green creatures with large bulbs at the ends of their tails and these bulbs glowed bright, luminous green that cast an unusual spread of green-on-purple all along the promenade where he stood. The sky, beyond the eaves of the roof, was coloured light yellow that verged on being white, and was a mass of swirling clouds that, to Britt, appeared very angry. Britt: "This is amazing..." He turned from the sky to see Ptolemy taking her clothes off! Britt: "What the--!?" Ptolemy: "You should take your clothes off too, Britt." Britt: "Well, you're being awfully forward, Ptolemy. Maybe your husband was right be to pissed off!" Ptolemy: "Huh? Oh! Not all of your clothes! But you really need to at least show off your chest. You'll look really out of place if you don't." She had whipped off most of her clothes until she was left wearing a leather bra and a white sarong-like garment that did little to conceal her ever-flashing knickers. Britt: "Right... I'm really not going to wander around the streets of any country, or planet, wearing just my underwear." Ptolemy: "Erm... this is a... my friend described it as... beefcakeBeefcake article, Wikipedia. and cheesecakePin-up Model article, Wikipedia. world... See for yourself." She pointed at the edge of the promenade. Britt stepped forward and looked down the hill towards the cityscape below where he could see the people going about their business. Men were big, beefy and well-chiselled while the women were all big-busted damsels with beautiful skin tones of all varieties. Britt looked at Ptolemy. Britt: "I'm really not happy about this." Ten minutes later and he was walking through the Jupiterian streets in nothing but a pair of shorts that Ptolemy cut out of his Roman-robes. Britt was far from big, beefy or well-chiselled and he felt incredibly self-conscious as he tried to avoid eye-contact with all of the people around him. Especially the incredibly attractive women that seemed to populate the entire city. Britt: "Ptolemy... where are we going? And can we please get there soon!?" Ptolemy: "We're going to my Palace." Britt: "I thought you were trying to avoid your husband?" Ptolemy: "I am! That's why we're going to my palace and not his! His was back on Earth anyway. The Seleucid Empire." Britt: "Right. I think I'm beginning to understand. I don't think you really need me around at this point though, right?" Ptolemy suddenly stopped. She tapped her lower lip with a thoughtful finger. Ptolemy: "You know what? I think you're right! I only needed you to help me get to Jupiter, now that I'm here I don't need you! Oops!" Britt resisted another facepalm, fearing he would be causing himself brain damage if he did it much more. Ptolemy: "Oh well! Might as well enjoy Jupiter while you're here!" Britt: "Yeah right. Enjoy being shamed by all these massive blokes with pecks bigger than my head." Ptolemy: "Though we'd best hurry to the palace. I think there's a storm on the way and you wouldn't want to get torn to shreds." Britt: "Torn to shreds!?" Ptolemy: "This is Jupiter. The weather is... nasty at times."---------- Antestarr (Britt)': "This explains a lot." ''Suzy X has led the possessed Antestarr down deeper into the labyrinth beneath the mysterious obelisk of the Sahara desert. There she showed him a large magical device made from an ancient, gnarled tree. The dead tree's left branch arched over and down, almost connecting with the massive roots of the long-deceased tree. In this make-shift circle is a sphere of blue liquid and within that sphere of blue liquid are several sleeping women who all look identical. '''Suzy X: "The ancient Druids of Doughnutdelf created this, allowing Aetas X to clone herself. Now it's just... tradition, I guess. I don't share her memories, only stories passed on generation to generation. Of course it's a massive secret so if you tell anyone..." Antestarr (Britt)''': "I'd die all over again. Got it." '''Suzy X: "I can't believe you're the Britt. Your story is one of those she passed down." Antestarr (Britt)''': "I wish I could say I was flattered... but actually I'm just creeped out." '''Suzy X: "Why did you... possess Antestarr's body?" Antestarr (Britt)': "You mean aside from the fact he ''murdered me? Truth be told, I'm going to let him have it when I can get myself a new body." They both look at the sleeping clones. '''Antestarr (Britt)': "Why couldn't they be clones of a ''man?" '''Suzy X: "Is it really the time to get worried about your manly pride?" Antestarr (Britt)': "Are you ''kidding me? I wouldn't know what to... do as a woman! I mean-- how do you pee!? Don't your boobs get in the way when you try to roll over? And all that multitasking! And bleeding! Wow, I don't think I can do this!" '''Suzy X: "... Has anyone ever called you stupid?" Antestarr (Britt): "Far more times than I could possibly count." References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post